I HATE DRIVERS. Except for me, of course.

You know what's annoying?

Driving.

ugh.

So, I wasn't doing anything wrong while I was driving before. I was just driving normally. Except the SUV in front of me decided to drive 15 mph. On a 35 mph road.

And that would have been fine, except a jerk was driving behind me.

Now, when someone is driving strangely (like driving 20 miles under the speed limit), I leave a little extra space between me and the car in front of me. Not a lot of space. Just a little extra.

So the person behind me decided, hey, that's an invitation to pass her! Woop woop! She's obviously the one driving slow!

Wrong. Guess who got stuck behind the SUV awkwardly driving in front of the pissed off ginge you just cut off and passed in a no-passing zone?

ha. ha.

Trick or Treat, smell my feet.

I'm addicted to Millionare Matchmaker.

There, I said it.

I honestly cannot stop watching it.

I CAN'T STOP.

Ugh. Why must there be marathons so I get stuck watching episode after episode. And then I get mad at these stupid millionares.

MILLIONARES. Y U SO STUPID.

Ugh. I actually had a real post planned, but I got sidetracked by Patti. And Dustin. And Rachel. Blegh.

Maybe a real post as soon as Bravo stops showing such addicting shows. Gosh darn it.

I am going to die. And it isn't even Francine's fault this time.

Are you all out there plotting against me? I'm pretty sure you are...

So, this feeling of paranoia isn't just coming out of the blue. I mean, I have random feelings of paranoia and conspiracy theories on a daily basis, but thats just the government implanting these thoughts in me. For reals.

Also, Paul McCartney is dead.

Anyways, I had another terrible driving experience today. I'm positive that this is the universe telling me that I should never drive, ever, but I could be wrong. It could be all of YOU out there. Btdubbs, I blame a world-wide conspiracy to secretly kill me. Except its not a secret anymore. SO SUCK IT.

MUST NOT GO ON A TANGENT.

(which is the derivative of the original function .... btdubbs)

(don't judge ... my brain is literally vomiting calculus right now. I give much sorryz)

SO ... I was driving on this narrow road when I see a giant tow truck parked in the lane I'm driving in. Not driving, not stopped, PARKED. IT WAS OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. Am I the only one to see a problem with this? Because obviously he didn't. And the people on the other side of the road didn't. I WAS THE ONLY ONE INVOLVED IN THAT WHOLE THANG TO HAVE AN ISSUE.

Ahem, sorry for the yelling. I just get angry when people decide that the road is now a parking lot because they have decreed it so. With the magic wand of "I hate every other driver."

Anyways, (and I realize that I use that word a ton) the cars in front of me simply pulled around this .... man (very loose interpretation of the word) and continued to drive. I, however, stopped. Why? Because there were two cars coming opposite me and I decided, "Hey, maybe I should let these cars pass me before I pull into THEIR lane, drive into upcoming traffic to pull around someone who decided they were too good to pull into a driveway."

That, apparentely, was the wrong answer.

Because, as I was waiting, this ... man ... started waving at me to go. Again. And again. And again. Obviously, because he decided that lane was for parking, I was supposed to know that the other lane had become mine to drive on. I was not told of this change. I assumed that waiting until these cars passed would be better than driving head on into traffic.

wrong wrong wrong wrong

This is also where things got a tad bit sketchy. I was driving with my loud gangster music playing and I may have forgotten that my window was open. And just so you all know, making angry hand motions and complaining loudly doesn't go over well with a "look at me, I drive a pick-up!" person. Just so you all don't try this ... because the person stated above may also be doing the same things. Except way more violently. Emphasis on the violent.

Yaaaaaaay.

And guess what? Right after I pass him, he realizes, "OH! I'm in the middle of the road! Maybe I should drive!" So he started driving behind me. Cue small heart attack.

Also, relating to this, I've also decided that the entire driving world is against me and have banded against me.

Everyone apparently decided that "Hey, let's NOT let her turn. EVER." Because me waiting to turn at a light, with my blinker on, waiting to turn left after everyone else had already passed, was not acceptable. Every other driver must have some sort of alert blinker on their dashboard that tells them when I'm trying to do ANYTHING while I'm driving. Because as I'm about to turn, this car speeds into the intersection and blocks me. So I wait. And while I'm waiting, 17 other cars come and don't let me turn. And this green light is exactly 2.4 seconds long.

Cue me in the awkward car, stuck in the middle of the intersection.

Yaaaaaaaay.

Also, cue some random dude in a creeper car with way too many air fresheners for his own good entering the scene. Imagine him pulling within a literal inch of my car (not even kidding) to yell at me. While I'm freaking out and trying to figure out what to do. Also, imagine him with flashing lights on the front of his car. BUT, he isn't a cop. No way.  Just some angry old man who likes to yell at flipping out ginges trying to turn and then give them heart palpitations.

Which was SUPER helpful when the angry man in the pick-up truck drove after me literally four minutes later.

I really get the feeling that I shouldn't drive. Ever.

HAPPY PI DAY!

If you haven't heard .... it's PI DAY!

Which is totally not a nerdy holiday at all. No way. It's also not a day to bake pies and pretend that you are decent at math.

Okay, I lied. IT'S BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.

This is also my favorite number-based holiday. If you don't count Avogadro's number. Which I don't.

Also, I totally don't know what Avogadro's number is. (SIX POINT OH TWO TIMES TEN TO THE TWENTY-THIRD -- sorry, nerd combustion) I'm not THAT type of nerd.

I was originally going to post this video of "What Pi Sounds Like" where this guy equated each number of pi to a musical note, but Youtube decided to be all uppity and have an Copyright error today. But I promise, I actually found this video a few days ago and posted it on my tumblr. Because I am a wanna-be-hipster.
*cue sadness and ironic looks

But I do have this friggin awesome picture for you. Enjoy the epicness.

HAHAHAHAHAHA :)

...and this is why you may find me in a ditch somewhere

I am such a failure at talking to people, I really am.... I may have verbally attacked some poor person in a stairway, but I really didn't mean to. I do hope he knew I was kidding .... otherwise, yes I will be murdered by a sassy pimp.

So, I put the message I sent to a friend about it here. Not because I feel bad-ass when I block out the names, not at all. (by the way, I feel the bad-assery coming from over here. but DEFINATLY not because the names are blocked out)

(well, maybe a little bit because of the blocks.)

p.s. I'm pretty sure these were perfectly nice people, I'm just a butt. So don't judge me too harshly. I mean, not any more than usual.

Where are you, gender book?

Hey y'all ....
 
(I know, I haven't posted in a while and you were just wondering, How will I get my daily fix of bad writing and awkward quips? Never you fear, I is here.)

Not gunna lie, that last line made me chuckle. It reminds me of a nerdy superhero.

Wait, maybe I should explain the title of this post. When I say "gender book," I don't mean a little book that you write your gender in if you forget.

"Why hello there! I haven't seen you around here before! What's your name?"
"It's ___, and I'm a (checks small book) .... female!"
"Well isn't that special! I'm a ..... male! We should get together sometime!"
"Is that what ... females do with males?"
"I don't know! Check the book!"

Is it bad that I just got really excited over the change in color? Holy flying fruitcakes, I need to get more sleep. I just realized how that might sound to a normal person. Trust me, it was HILARIOUS in my head.

Anyways, my gender book is my agenda book and I want it back. It has run away from me again and I am sad. We have a very complicated relationship. I tell it all the things I do and basically put my life in there, but you know what it decides to do? It decides, "You know what? This girl is nice to me. Lets see how stressed and neurotic she gets when I hide for a few days." Stupid inaminmate objects. Always being mean to me.

I promise, I had more to say. And it might have actually been funny to the normal human beings that (probably don't) read this blog....But after that whole "gender book" thing, I completly forget what I was going to write. Guess you'll just have to tune in next week for the amazing adventures of THE MISSING AGENDA!

Oh my ... don't lock me up. I promise, its just sleep deprivation.

... and Francine is the reason why I'll go to jail.

Let me just prelude this post with an explanation. I am not a terrible driver, despite what you may think after this post (and to a certain someone ... SHUT UP! I is good at the driving!). So lets get on to the failure ...

So, I was using my GPS earlier. Her name is ... Francine. Now, we don't have that many issues. But when they do arise, she can get a bit ... pissy. Like refuse to give me directions pissy. Or insist upon a U-turn in the middle of a busy highway pissy.

I mean, its not like she is supposed to give directions or anything...

Anyways, so I was driving earlier (really! how strange!) and things were okay. I wasn't stressing, and a good song came on my hipster playlist. That was until SOMEONE decided to ride up my butt.

Wait, that sounds awkward. What I meant is that this old woman (not that I'm agist, thats just what she was) was driving so close to my bumper that I literally could not see her headlights. She was prolly about 6 inches from me at all times. And since most of you don't know me, you don't know that I have to have space when I drive. Like at least 5 full seconds worth of space. Suffice it to say, I WAS FREAKING OUT. It wasn't even that I was driving slowly! The speed limit was 25, and I was going 26. And since it was dark, and the road was windy, I thought it was a good speed. APPARTENELY NOT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

So that was stressing me out. And of course, Francine HAD to put in her two cents. I was perfectly happy slowing down to irritate the person behind me when Francine decided "HEY! I KNOW! LETS CHANGE THE ROUTE! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

As a side note, Francine always talks in a screaming voice in my head. Think of Ursula from the Little Mermaid except on like 14 Five-Hour-Energys.

Back to the story .... I'm driving, la la la la ... when Francine changes her mind. And all I hear is (as I'm passing the turn):

TURN BITCH! TURN RIGHT NOW! AHAHAHA YOU ARE GOING TO MISS THE TURN! SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR IGNORING ME BEFORE! OH WATCH THE POTHOLE! HAHA YOU HIT IT! SUUUUCK IT! AND IN 4.6 MILES, KEEP RIGHT. IF YOU DARE. HAHAHA!

And thats how I hit a pothole the size of a small beluga whale on my way home.

Oh, and the best part? THE OLD WOMAN STILL FOLLOWED ME.

ack.

Love?

Ho hum. I know what you all are thinking. "Yet another sad anti-lovey-dovey-Valentine's Day post. Let me skip over. Blah blah blah."

HAHAHAHAHA. SUCK IT. YOU'RE WRONG.

First of all, it's not Valentine's Day anymore. It's actually a whole day later. So suuuuuck it. Second of all, it's not about love. It's about my puppy.

But, I shall talk about my Valentine's Day (or Single Awareness Day) if I must. Once again, I did not have a "Valentine," but honestly, I don't think I wanted one. Instead I had a party with my friends and ate red velvet cupcakes. Which are delicious. Period. End of story. I mean, I would have liked to have one, but whatever. Something else I hate is when people sit there and complain about it being Single Awareness Day wah wah wah. I'm so sad. Look at me complaining. I just realized that I don't have a significant other. wah wah wah. (Insert whiny accent into last few sentances). ACK. For reals, if you are going to base your whole happiness on that, then I can pretty much guess why you are alone. If your happiness depends on being in a realationship that sociey has deemed acceptable, then that isn't true happiness.

That being said. I am a hypocrite. What person doesn't sit there on Valentine's Day and feel a bit bad because they are alone? The only difference -- I'd rather do things that make me happy. So I did. And that's where the red velvet came from. Anyways, back onto the purpose of this post ... my puppy.

My puppy .... ahhhh <3

I love her. So much. Sometimes she is the only one that keeps me sane. Even after a terrible day, an awful headache, and lots of work to do, just burying my face in her fur makes me feel so much better. Not that it's cliche or anything. But for real. I have actual reasons why I love her so much.

She is a teeny-tiny puppy (she's actually 3) and is our little runt. She just happens to be the perfect size to carry around like a small hairy child or deformed monkey.

She is soooo awkward. Just like me. She has a little Yoda face and an awkward little tail. Ah. She also has these awkward little habits. Like she has these "babies" (don't get your panties in a twist, they aren't real babies. they are little stuffed animals) that she enjoys carrying around. After she kills them of course. And by killing, I mean tearing the stuffing out and popping the squeaker. And the "skins" become her little toys. She carrys them around, throws them at you, and puts them all in her little bed.

But enough about my awkward little doggie. She is my special girl (and I don't mean that she is mentally impaired, she is smart when she wants to be) and she loves me unconditionally. No matter what kind of day I'm having, all I have to say is "Maggie? Want to snuuuuuggle?" And she'll get all excited. Just seeing that excitement makes me feel awesome. Like there is someone out there that will always be on my side, no matter what. Considering everything else, I couldn't ask for anything more.

how to make sure you have exploited your rudeness ...

Dear Rude People,

Don't think us perceptive folk miss your advances to ruin our life. Stop your worrying, they have been noticed. But, why don't you make it a tad more obvious? I imagine that the normal 99% of the population does not notice your pearls of unwanted wisdom, your awful personal habits, or your complete disregard for the other carbon-based life forms around you. Please, help these sad, sad people out in their plight to recognize rudeness. It is quite tiring pointing it out all of the time.

Just in case you aren't sure of the methods needed to make your rudeness appeal to the masses, here are some pointers:

1.

Next time you see someone wearing a sparkly flapper dress in a diner, don't make a side comment to your unfortunate dining mate like, "God, why can't these kids wear normal clothes?" Instead, stand up and bodily block her (or his) path to her (or his) booth. Proceed to examine the aforementioned dress. Extra points go if you physically pick up layers and comment on shoddy sewing. Finally, save your doozy of a comment until after she (or he) starts leaving, but is still in your line of sight. Announce to the entire restraurant "Holy Flying Fruitcakes. That ... thing needs to be locked up for public ugliness. And don't even get me started on that unfortunate soul wearing that sorry excuse of a dress." That way the person wearing the flapper dress and simply trying to return to her table after using the restroom will know exactly how you feel about the dress and won't have to guess.

2.

Next time you (rude people) are listening to a speech, know that it is the perfect opportunity for rudeness. Seriously, if you don't take this time to be an inconsiderate ass, then you will be stripped of your title. Just forcing the person speaking to put down the notes (that were permitted according to the rules of the competition) and putting them on the spot is not enough. At the very least, get up while that person is talking to show your ultimate disdain for their thoughts and feelings. However, if you really want to earn your rudeness title, simply being a jerk is not enough. Instead of just getting up, why not circle the room a few times? Then, stop directly behind the person speaking and just start breathing. Loudly. And every time the person speaking turns around, give them a dirty look that says, "Stop invading on MY personal space and/or time." Extra points for you if you can perform an entire dance routine during the space of the speech.

3.

I know a lot of you rude people have been driving behind a person driving slowly before. (This also applies if the person in front of you is actually doing the speed limit, it is icy, and that driver in front of you doesn't want to die. But I won't get off topic) I also know that almost all, if not all of you rude people have done the "creeping up the butt" driving technique. This is when you creep so close to the car in front of you that you are either (a) literally sitting in their backseat or (b) cause a miniture panic attack as the driver in front is peeing their pants because it looks like you are going to hit them, repeatedly. This tatic is all well and dandy, but it isn't quite rude enough for the 21st century jerk. This is where you recruit others into your quest. Instead of just creeping up that driver's butt, surround them in cars. This may be a bit hard to understand, but follow me. I promise it will enrich your rude meter. While before you just drove along the back of another, now you recruit your buddies into riding along all sides of the car. This works the best when weather conditions are bad and an accident is SUPER easy to get into. Once you have surrounded the hapless car with other cars, slow down to a crawl. Then speed up. Then slow down. If all of the cars surrounding the other driver do this together, you will have achieved the ultimate in rudeness.

Now this tatic is a little bit more complicated in that it requires friends to be rude with you. I know this particular point will elude a lot of you rude people as you have no friends, but if you try hard enough, I think you can do it. Maybe recruit some rude allies from the internet. Be creative. Anyways, this rudeness tatic also involves a car, which could turn a lot of you people off. But don't worry, in the following tip/tatic I will explain a suitable non-car replacement.

4.

This tatic is especially good for those without cars, or those who just like being jerks. But, it does have some restrictions. First of all, you must do this either at night or another time with low visiability. Then, get a group of "friends" (or just people you have paid to walk along beside you, because again, you don't have friends) to walk with you. Finally, spread out along the road so you have made a literal barrier to prohibit cars from passing you. To enrich this rudeness, walk as slow as you can without stopping all together.

That is all the tips I can think of right at the moment, rude people. I know it may seem like a lot to absorb, but I think you can do it. Especially if you put your rude little hearts into it. You must allow the whole population to see you for what you truly are, and not just focus your bile on a specific group/individual.

Sincerely,

me

p.s. I had to justify this post because it was annoying me. But then again, looking at this being justified and everything else different will also annoy me. Just a side note that I thought would interest you. (Even though it really isn't that interesting at all.)

Hoarding 101

Even though its late, and I posted yesterday ... I decided to post again (OH! look at her remembering to post! what a sassy-mc-sass-pants).

So, I feel as though I haven't been completly truthful with you invisable readers, so I must come clean. Let me just gather myself for a moment ....

I fear (look off into the distance) that I may have, (another dramatic pause) an addiction to .... socks. It's become quite bad. I actually didn't realize how obsessive I was under I finally cleaned my room the other day and witnessed the compulsion first hand. There were socks pinned to the corkboard. There were socks taped on the wall. There were socks hanging on the lamps as 'decoration.' And worst of all ... my sock drawer.

You see, normal people have a little drawer, or a half-sized drawer for their socks. Maybe they even mix them in with other clothes/undergarments. I don't really know, as I am not normal. What I have is ... a little bit weirder. I have a full-size, giant drawer devoted only to my socks. Thats all that's in there. And it's overflowing.

Now some of you may say, "Oh, that's a bit weird, but not that abnormal."

Au contaire my good friend.

You see, I don't have 'normal' socks. I have this thing were I can't wear white socks. Ever. I'm so against them that I think the last time I wore white socks voluntarily was maybe 6 or 7 years ago.

So yes, that means that the sock drawer that threatens to implode everytime I give it a dirty look is full of multicolored socks. And not just 'normal' colored socks. Some of my wide array include knee socks, neon socks, toe socks (adult and childrens, but I'll explain at a later date ... if I remember), slipper socks, shoe socks, fuzzy socks, and international socks. Another thing to note ... I collect socks from every country I visit, or someone in my close family visits. So I have Sweden, England, Ireland, Canada, the US, Alaska, and Jamaica.

And in case you were wondering ... yes, it does look like a rainbow vomited socks into that drawer. But I wouldn't have it anyother way.

Forever your personal sock hoarder ...

...must....escape...outside...now...

HEL-OOOO!

Um, so two huge things just happened today. I mean, huge for me. All you peoples out there will prolly be like, oh, she needs help and/or a severs redefining of what 'exciting' is. (I'm sure most of the people who know would agree with the second choice)

Welllllll,
NUMERO UNO: IT IS SNOWING! And not just pliddly-dink-it-looks-like-someone-with-dandruff-stuck-their-head-out-of-the-top-floor. It's REAL snow! Actually, its more like a REAL blizzard! If you can't tell, I love the snow and I've been said that it really hasn't snowed (is that a word?) for real near me. BUT TODAY IS A FLIPPIN BLIZZARD. I IS EXCITED. The last time I remember a huge snowstorm like this was about 4 years ago, right after I had some surgery done on my foot and couldn't really walk. So no sledding for me that year. :(

BUT NOW? As soon as it gets more that 2 inches of snow, I am out there. I don't even care that the drivers (if there are any) will judge me as the pass my house. WELL ITS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT! YOU SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING IN THIS WEATHER.

Yay :)

And the other big news (I did promise two things, didn't I?) is .... well, it's kind of creepy. I mean, I promised but ... fine. I guess I have to tell you. Stupid invisable peer pressure. So, I looked on my "Blog Stats" (because I'm a creep) and I noticed that my blog is becoming a bit international. I feel so awesome that people in other countries are reading my blog. I must make sure that my dear little blog doesn't go around a get a swelled head now. (I promise bloggie-poo, you are important, but not THAT special)

I lied, bloggie. You are special (to me at least). You had me at hello ....

Hey Hey Heyyyyyy

Hey world.

(Yesum?)

I'm kind of sad world. You know why? Because of my music. That's why. (And believe me .... I hate ranting like this but it had to be done.)

STOP USING MY MUSIC IN ADVERTISEMENTS. STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

I mean, nothing makes a song so much more awesome than when you hear it in the background of a Chevy truck commercial. I base all my music choices off of that. WRONG. NO. STOP. So world, you are no longer allowed to include Freelance Whales, the xx, or The Go! Team in your ads. Those are my things, not yours. AND, if you are going to use my music, make it for good stuff. I really don't want to watch promo's for upcoming awful shows on awful networks using some of my favorite songs as the backgrounds. FOR REALS.

For a recap .... if you do use good music or the music I like, make it a good commercial/a good product. Nothing ruins a song more than forever associating it with a Trucking commercial.

RantyMcRANTRANT :P

Dear Youtube...

Hey Youtube?

I know we've had a pretty intense relationship within the last few years. We've spent hours together, and I know, sometimes I'm distracted and only turn to you when I need to procrastinate. But really? What is with you lately? Advertisements? REALLY? All I want is things to go back to the way they were. I don't want to try to listen to a playlist of The Go! Team or Bjork and instead hear something about insurance or Papa John's.

So yeah. I am not happy Youtube. NOT HAPPY. And even though I love you dearly, I may have to separate myself from this whole situation. It will be hard, but I can't take it anymore. If you want to work things out, let me know.

SIncerely,
me

p.s. Who am I kidding. I can't keep my mouse off of you. I need you. Come back. I didn't mean it. We can work on our issues, I promise!

GET IN MY BELLY!

Sorry about title (again). Today's actually relates to what I'm talking about soooooo .... there. And guess who is posting AGAIN? (Obviously not this weirdo) FYI - The correct answer was me.

Anyways..... Oh, yeah, GET IN MY BELLY! I feel as though I must explain that. Have any of you (hello out there in wild unknown of cyber space!) ever seen Austin Powers: Goldmember? It's the third movie in the whole Austin Powers trilogy and is THE BEST ONE. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. MUST CALM DOWN.

Sorry, spontaneous nerdgasim. But, as you can tell, I freakin love that movie. And the title of this week's post is in homage to one of my very special friends, Fat Basterd.

Okay, he's not my friend, but I like to pretend he is. And yes, I realize that "Fat Basterd" is not an actual person and is played by Mike Myers. But no, Mike Myers is not my friend, Fat Basterd is. As a matter of fact, so is Austin and Dr. Evil. They join my list of other-people-that-I-don't-actually-know-but-I-creep-on-and-love. Other members of this list are Johnny Deep, Martin Van Buren, Bjork, and many more. But I'm trying not to creep you all out too soon.

BUT ... the reason I thought of Goldmember and had a very messy nerdgasim was because of the songs stuck in my head. Not song, I have songS. And as I was listening to these said songs AGAIN, I keep thinking, "Get out of my head!" And naturally, my train of thought went straight to Goldmember.

So I know that you are all hanging on to every word I type because you just must know what is stuck in my head. Don't worry, I won't torture you any longer. They are:

Cameras by Matt And Kim (click here!)
Whip My Hair by Willow Smith (I know ... I feel like such a tweedlebopper ... BUT IT IS STUCK IN MY HEAD. I CAN'T CONTROL IT!) (click here if you dare)
and basically a medley of Freelance Whales songs (click here!)

And as a side note, the link I posted for Freelance Whales is a live preformance. Even though I LOVE their songs, the stuff they do live brings it to a whole 'nother level of awesome/epic/nerdgasim. So do it. Listen.

In case I don't see you, Good Afternoon! Good Evening! And Good Night!

RaRaRaRaRANTING.

Dearest invisible readers,

I know. Stop judging me, I know I haven't posted in like two million years, but I've had a lot going on. DAMN YOU LIFE! I also know that you are currently judging me for that title. My only defense is that it is late, and in my mind, it made a lot more sense. I was picturing a race car engine or something reving up? Or maybe a cheer? Like, give me and R! Give me an A! Give me a N! Give me a T! What does that spell? RANT! YAY! But, so I don't get too off topic (and possibly scare away my non-existant readers) I should prolly start this aforementioned rant. And so, I have a few updates:

First off, pulling all-nighters (or almost all-nighters) is not as much fun as you think it is. Trust me.

Numero dos, being short is not fun.

And lastly, I got my hair cut.

I shall start from the beginning and begin from the start.

So, all nighters. THEY SUCK. Even though technically, I got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. It didn't feel like it at all. I was literally so tired that I wasn't tired. Except, when I looked at my own handwriting. Usually my handwriting is kinda loopy and awkward, but when I get tired, it starts to look like a serial killer's notes. I was sitting in class, and I looked down and I was like "CALL THE AUTHORITIES. HIDE YO KIDS. HIDE YO WIFE." Then, someone just apologized for something they did to me that day and I had no idea what they were talking about. Appartnely, I sat there with someone yelling at me and I have no memory of that occurrence. So that lead to an awkward apology. :P

So, on to my next topic in this rant. Being SHORT.

For those of you that don't know, being short sucks. Not even kidding. It's not even the being short that sucks, its the finding clothes for being short. TERRIBLE. You'd think that once in the last 20 years that someone, somewhere would say, "HEY. There is a whole demographic that don't have clothes. Maybe I should fix that." But, NO. No one has ever thought that. FOR REALS.

So, continuing .....
I have finally succeeded in finding pants for my short-ness. It only took 2342134 years, but you know, I've got to start somewhere. It's ....... OLD NAVY! I know, disbelief is setting in, but I love this store. Hmmmm, love is actually a strong term. I like how they make short-people-pants, but I hate how expensive they are. The only time I go in there is when they have a super-duper-uber-epicly-awesome sale. But, the other thing I love is their awesome clearance rack. I have seriously found the most epic stuff there for under $10. Like a super-duper jean jacket. Or a flippin awesome neon shirt. (Basically a lot of neon that normal people say "WTF. Who would wear this?" I am that person.)

But anyways .... MY HAIR.

I got it cut recently, but I don't know if I like it. To tell the truth, I don't know if my hair is happy with it, and since my hair is my hair, I need its input on the overall "I like this" effect. To start off, my hair has a huge personality. (Which is usually a nice way of saying "wow, what a bitch," I know, but trust me. It does.) When it gets angry, you know. Which is why I'm a bit afraid. Whenever I get my hair cut, it usually takes a few days for the fact to sink into my hair and for it to register it's outrage. This was especially true with my disaster-boy-femover-haircut, but I'll leave that for another time. For now, just be satisfied with the fact that somewhere, my hair is silently gathering rage.

Over and out.

Rants and Raisins

As a heads up, sorry about the title. I was trying to be clever and tie together baking and my complaining but it didn't work. So, yeah.

Anyways ...

I HATE HATE HATE people who don't carry anything to class. Like WHAT ARE THEY DOING? They don't even carry a single notebook! What?!? WHAT?!? For real! Meanwhile, I'm carrying the contents of my entire house in with me and they have a pencil. A pencil! And sometimes they don't even have a pencil. What were they thinking they would need? Are they going to write in blood? Because thats all I can see that they could use. Another thing that annoys me ... people who forget their backpacks on the bus/class/everywhere. While I understand one time, but ALL THE FREAKING TIME? I mean, you brought it on, don't you think you'll kinda need it? Or that you walked in with it, obviously you need something in there. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

People annoy me.

But, I need to stop ranting. I could go on, but my invisable readers are saying "come ON. We get it. Oh my ..... "

SO, a good thing happened to me today. I tried a Nutella cookie. What?! I know, I just blew your mind. IT WAS SO GOOD. Here is the recipe. So yeah ..... I like to cook, although I am not that good at it. Mostly, I make little things, no real food for me :). BUT .... I have to tell you (hello, anyone out there?) some of the most delicious brownies ever. Are you readyyyyyyy?
Smores Brownies
Carmel Chocolate Brownies aka THE BEST FRIGGIN THING YOU WILL EVER EAT
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good.
YUM.
But anyways, I made cornbread the other day. Three different types too. I made cornbread muffins with strawberry jelly filling, cornbread muffins with a honey glaze, and plain cornbread muffins. Can you tell I love cornbread? And even though a CERTAIN person told me that they taste like linoleum (the fact that he knows that taste is a little weird), THEY ARE DELICIOUS. I'm a starch girl. I love me some cookies, but give me some breadsticks any day of the week.  I have to say, I would l kill someone (don't worry, not anyone you know invisible readers) for some good bread or potatoes (involuntary drool, sorry).
But the best unexpected food that I've ever made is Sweet Potato Fries. At first, I was a little grossed out because I am not a sweet potato fan. But you "marinate" the fries in orange juice and ginger and it is DELICIOUS. You can eat them plain, but add a little ketchup and an involuntary foodgasim occurs. TRY IT! (here)
But I am excited for the holidays because I'll have an excuse to cook all my delicious-ness and people won't judge me (at least more than usual). Like a Yule Log, Sourbraten, and Sweet Potatoes. Not that those foods clash or anything. I AM SO EXCITED.

So if you haven't noticed, I love to write in capitals. But just so you invisible readers know, I'm not yelling intensely as I type this. I just wanted you all to know so I don't look like that much of a creep. Sometimes when I read capitals my internal voice yells whatever I'm reading. So that's why whenever I'm yelling, I will tell you, my faithful invisible readers. Or I'll make the font bigger like this.
I'm a Banana! I'm a Banana! I'm a Banana! LOOK AT ME MOVE!
I'm sorry reader(s) .... I had to.
TTFN.

p.s. Anyone who can quote some of my obscure references that I type about (i.e. "I'm a Banana") gets official nerd points. Have fun!

Freewriting + Storytime = AWESOME.

Hello out there?
Hello? Anyone?
So, HA! I managed to post again without a two week span inbetween. I feel so proud of my very small achievement. I also decided to make the blog more sazzy. Whenever someone uses that term, I think of a webpage with jazz hands, dancing in a chorus line, to the song "I Got Rhythm."
Little things make me laugh. :)
Today was pretty gosh-darn epic though. Why? Because I got more than 4 hours of sleep! OH YEAH! Now I feel like the colors are so vivid and clear.
So, if you (and I mean you in the loosest sense of the word, as there is no "you" yet) haven't noticed, I like to freewrite. So whatever I is zinking, I is writing. And so, I was zinking, I must share with you all (which is prolly just me) a few of my fail-stories. I have to say, there are quite a few ....


Story NUMERO UNO.

So, I was an awkward child. And, when I say awkward. I mean people asking, "what is she doing over there?" awkward. For instance, when I was a wee tot, we had some concrete pourers over our house during the summer. And I, thinking I was soooooo smart decided to cover myself in mud, because that is how people keep cool (I know, what was I thinking?). Imagine the poor concrete people's surprise when they show up at this normal looking house, dealing with normal looking adults, to see a small child running around covered in mud, screaming in the backyard.

I'm surprised they didn't leave then.

What makes this worse is that, sadly, that was not the only time I did that. I also discovered as a child that pink chalk does not come off as easily as you would think when you cover your entire body with it. I also learned that other people find it strange when you ride down the street on a children's toy singing at the top of your lungs. Even more so when you are in 8th grade.

So yes, I was an awkward child.