I HATE DRIVERS. Except for me, of course.

You know what's annoying?

Driving.

ugh.

So, I wasn't doing anything wrong while I was driving before. I was just driving normally. Except the SUV in front of me decided to drive 15 mph. On a 35 mph road.

And that would have been fine, except a jerk was driving behind me.

Now, when someone is driving strangely (like driving 20 miles under the speed limit), I leave a little extra space between me and the car in front of me. Not a lot of space. Just a little extra.

So the person behind me decided, hey, that's an invitation to pass her! Woop woop! She's obviously the one driving slow!

Wrong. Guess who got stuck behind the SUV awkwardly driving in front of the pissed off ginge you just cut off and passed in a no-passing zone?

ha. ha.

Failing. No big deal.

Shut the front door.

I can't believe I left my little blogspot alone again. Admittedly not for a month and two days but still. I miss writing on here.

So I'll start again. And sorry in advance for any spelling mistakes ( I know, usually my spelling is oh so perfect. Not.) I'm typing this on my iTouch. Wait, actually the spelling might be better than usual because of the autocorrect on here. That's a tad bit sad :P

So, this story reveals some things about me. Like that I'm supremely uncoordinated, not that you haven't guessed that before.

Anyways ... When I graduated from high school, I wasn't anymore coordinated that I am now. Shocking, isn't it? Well, at this aforementioned event, I was positioned near the end of a row. Which was helpful for me. Because it minimized the danger of me tripping over the rest of the chairs. I also thought that hey, since I'm at the end, I can throw my cap that way and still be able to find it. Smart, right? I didn't graduate high school for nothing readers.

Let's just say that that whole plan didn't exactly work out. I was already worried about my ability to throw my cap, so I took off the tassel. And I guess that confused ye old throwing arm. Because as I throw it, I realize something is wrong. Very wrong.

Let me walk you through this whole situation.

Imagine me, albino midget ginge sitting there all excited. I'm getting ready to throw my cap. Except it has a different plan. Instead of going to the left and being a nice little hat, it decides to go to the right. Straight into the face of someone sitting two seats down. Who also yelled several profanities and questions to his surrounding area.

Oops. 

Judging. So hard.

So. It's been a little while since I posted on here. Not too long. Just a month and two days.

A month.

And two days.

Seriously. I understand it's been way too long. But I promise, I had reasons.

But now that I start again, I find that the words that I want to say have escaped me. Everything that I wanted to do on this blog has kind of gone out the window in the last month, and I apologize for that. But I really can't think of a witty post that would make it up to any of the few that read this blog.

So I guess I will share with you all (again, I use that term loosely, as any followers that I might have had have prolly disappered in the last month and two days) a failure story that I told two friends the other day.

Actually, its a series of stories.

So, I have bad luck outdoors..

Like really bad luck.

And I don't remember if I already wrote this story on here or not. But I don't feel like going through all my post and looking for it. So I'll tell you all anyway.

When I was very very small, I thought it was so much fun to run around without shoes on. Like the best thing in the world fun.

I still do, but things between my feet and the grass have changed. They've become more ... strained.

The reason?

One bright summer day, I was running around my yard. I was probably yelling like a crazy person while the rest of my neighbors were judging. Unfortunatly, in the midst of this fun, I did not look down. To see the large bumblebee that was the size of the biggest toe. That was under my foot.

You can guess what happened.

BUT. That isn't the failure part. Now, see, as I was not looking down to see this giant bumblebee hanging out in my yard, I also was not looking down to see a second giant bumblebee also hanging out next to him.

Well, not next to him.

More like the exact distance a small child's legs take as a normal step before they realize they have been stung by a bee.

So yes. The first time I was stung by a bee, it was twice. One on each heel. Something that my mother, an emergency room nurse, had never seen before. Because in here words, "Usually once someone is stung by a bee, they notice. And stop running around like a complete lunatic. Also, they tend to look at the ground. And avoid other bees."

Yes, I was a very special child.

I am going to die. And it isn't even Francine's fault this time.

Are you all out there plotting against me? I'm pretty sure you are...

So, this feeling of paranoia isn't just coming out of the blue. I mean, I have random feelings of paranoia and conspiracy theories on a daily basis, but thats just the government implanting these thoughts in me. For reals.

Also, Paul McCartney is dead.

Anyways, I had another terrible driving experience today. I'm positive that this is the universe telling me that I should never drive, ever, but I could be wrong. It could be all of YOU out there. Btdubbs, I blame a world-wide conspiracy to secretly kill me. Except its not a secret anymore. SO SUCK IT.

MUST NOT GO ON A TANGENT.

(which is the derivative of the original function .... btdubbs)

(don't judge ... my brain is literally vomiting calculus right now. I give much sorryz)

SO ... I was driving on this narrow road when I see a giant tow truck parked in the lane I'm driving in. Not driving, not stopped, PARKED. IT WAS OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. Am I the only one to see a problem with this? Because obviously he didn't. And the people on the other side of the road didn't. I WAS THE ONLY ONE INVOLVED IN THAT WHOLE THANG TO HAVE AN ISSUE.

Ahem, sorry for the yelling. I just get angry when people decide that the road is now a parking lot because they have decreed it so. With the magic wand of "I hate every other driver."

Anyways, (and I realize that I use that word a ton) the cars in front of me simply pulled around this .... man (very loose interpretation of the word) and continued to drive. I, however, stopped. Why? Because there were two cars coming opposite me and I decided, "Hey, maybe I should let these cars pass me before I pull into THEIR lane, drive into upcoming traffic to pull around someone who decided they were too good to pull into a driveway."

That, apparentely, was the wrong answer.

Because, as I was waiting, this ... man ... started waving at me to go. Again. And again. And again. Obviously, because he decided that lane was for parking, I was supposed to know that the other lane had become mine to drive on. I was not told of this change. I assumed that waiting until these cars passed would be better than driving head on into traffic.

wrong wrong wrong wrong

This is also where things got a tad bit sketchy. I was driving with my loud gangster music playing and I may have forgotten that my window was open. And just so you all know, making angry hand motions and complaining loudly doesn't go over well with a "look at me, I drive a pick-up!" person. Just so you all don't try this ... because the person stated above may also be doing the same things. Except way more violently. Emphasis on the violent.

Yaaaaaaay.

And guess what? Right after I pass him, he realizes, "OH! I'm in the middle of the road! Maybe I should drive!" So he started driving behind me. Cue small heart attack.

Also, relating to this, I've also decided that the entire driving world is against me and have banded against me.

Everyone apparently decided that "Hey, let's NOT let her turn. EVER." Because me waiting to turn at a light, with my blinker on, waiting to turn left after everyone else had already passed, was not acceptable. Every other driver must have some sort of alert blinker on their dashboard that tells them when I'm trying to do ANYTHING while I'm driving. Because as I'm about to turn, this car speeds into the intersection and blocks me. So I wait. And while I'm waiting, 17 other cars come and don't let me turn. And this green light is exactly 2.4 seconds long.

Cue me in the awkward car, stuck in the middle of the intersection.

Yaaaaaaaay.

Also, cue some random dude in a creeper car with way too many air fresheners for his own good entering the scene. Imagine him pulling within a literal inch of my car (not even kidding) to yell at me. While I'm freaking out and trying to figure out what to do. Also, imagine him with flashing lights on the front of his car. BUT, he isn't a cop. No way.  Just some angry old man who likes to yell at flipping out ginges trying to turn and then give them heart palpitations.

Which was SUPER helpful when the angry man in the pick-up truck drove after me literally four minutes later.

I really get the feeling that I shouldn't drive. Ever.

The Public Transportation Chronicles, part one

Is there a drug called "Ice Tea" interweb people?

Wait, let me explain. I am not trying to become a drug dealer, or even break into the drug scene. (By the way, whenever I hear the words "drug scene," I always think of some dramatic play with actual drugs playing characters. Yes, I know I have issues.)

But this particular term confused the heck out of me. Which either says that I'm really naive and need to stop hiding in my basement all the time. Which I totally don't do. Anymore. Or that it's not actually a drug. Which would make me really dumb and this post unneeded.

(Actually I don't. My basement creeps me out after a while. Which must mean that it's REALLY weird, because I'm an epic creeper.)

(And yes, I understand. Is this post ever needed? Cue metaphyscial soul searching. And creepy music. Because creepy music ALWAYS plays during a good ole fashioned soul search. Don't worry post, I love you.)

But anyways, I'm asking because I overheard a super awkward conversation about Ice Tea on the bus a few years ago. (hence the whole "public transportation chronicles" thing ... believe it or not, I actually have had several encounters on various public venues .... shocking, I know.)

Cue me, a naive midget-girl with a red fro. Innocently whistling (I'm assuming) and snapping along with the bird calls around her. (okay no, I wasn't. I can't snap. DON'T JUDGE ME.) So there I was, just sitting there, minding my own beeswax when a certain snippet catches my ear.

"DUDE. I JUST MIXED UP THE BEST ICE TEA YESTERDAY. IT WAS AWESOME."

It was then followed with an in-depth discussion on the merits of certain flavors of Ice Tea. They even had an argument over the best type (one said lemon, the other said raspberry .... which is the most confusing, because who would choose lemon over raspberry? FOR REALS.)

Not sketchy at all, right? Now enter into the picture the fact that they were high school senior-aged boys who were heavy into the "skater" scene. As far as I know, skaters don't go around talking about their favorite mixed drink. But I could be a horrible, judgemental person and be totally wrong.

So enter you, my blog readers. Though I know many (all) of you are either silently judging me, or laughing at my naivity (it's okay, you can do both, I would) ... what is ice tea?